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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24961522">Perfect Paradise, Tearing at the Seams</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotevil13/pseuds/imnotevil13'>imnotevil13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst (?), Broken Heart, English is not my native language, M/M, Return to Sabaody Arc, Sabaody Archipelago Arc, Sanji’s POV, Thriller Bark Arc, Unrequited Love, ZoSan - Freeform, mentioned - Freeform, mostly narrative, oneside love, zolu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:26:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,775</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24961522</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotevil13/pseuds/imnotevil13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Because loving doesn’t always mean having.<br/><br/>#Grammar mistakes corrected by myself, please tell me if there’s still any mistake.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>(oneside) Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji, Monkey D. Luffy/Roronoa Zoro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Perfect Paradise, Tearing at the Seams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please read the tags before you start reading. You have been warned.<br/><br/>The title is from <i>Imagine Dragons – Bad Liar</i>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sanji’s past wasn’t something he proud of. Nor even about his family. Save for his mother, there were only sadness and anger what he remembered about that cursed place.</p><p>He only found happiness when he was in Baratie. And though living there meaning he wouldn’t be able to fulfill his dream to finding the All Blue, he was fine with it. At least, at that place, he could do what he likes (cooking), and meeting people that he loves (woman). </p><p>That’s right. Sanji loves women. </p><p>But he never, even once, <i>ever</i>, in love with someone. </p><p>That’s it, until the day he joined a certain Straw Hat Pirate Crew, and met a certain green head of a swordsman. </p><p>He just didn’t expect that his very first, <i>true love</i>, was a man. </p><p>Finding the All Blue was his reason to join them. But spending his time with that man, was the true intention he still on the team. After Baratie, Sanji found another happiness in this crew. And he was grateful for it. </p><p>To be honest, Sanji didn’t realize immediately that the feeling he developed towards that caveman was love. The time Sanji saw him at Baratie, when he let himself get sliced then vowed to his captain that he will get stronger, a stir in Sanji chest was getting translated as awe instead of something else. </p><p>Then he gets to know that man better; how he was so bad with directions, how he like booze despite his age, how he always let Luffy stole some of his meal though he actually ate as much as Luffy do. How, though they always clashed, he was a good companion. </p><p>Their banter always started from something unimportant. Something small. Like when Sanji swaying to flirt with Nami or Robin and Zoro would comment how stupid he was or how ridiculous he acted was. The very first time Zoro said it, it irked Sanji and he <i>actually</i> mad at him. But as time goes by, the cook started to understand that the swordsman had no filter to his mouth if it’s about commenting, especially to Sanji. </p><p>And he started to realize that each time they argued, a small smile was bloomed on Zoro face. Or he would huffed a laugh when Sanji turned on his heels to leave. An implied message that the swordsman actually enjoyed this. Since when, Sanji didn’t know, but somewhere around their constant argue, Sanji started to also find it interesting. </p><p>Then the so called ‘awe’ stirred even faster in his chest when the ‘Ussop event’ happened. Still, Sanji only thought that the feeling must be shifted from awe to respect. The big L word never once passed his mind. </p><p>It wasn’t the first time Sanji agreed with Zoro’s decision. But it was the first time he admits it out loud. </p><p>The Water Seven Saga was another step for Sanji to know Zoro even deeper. Zoro’s words reminded them all of whom Luffy was for them. Reminded Luffy himself of who he was for his nakama. His words also opened their eyes that Zoro wasn’t just a nakama for their captain, he also acted as an anchor for that young man. A steady and loyal anchor whom will always follow and comply Luffy just <i>anywhere</i> that soon-to-be Pirate King want to go. </p><p>But strangely, upon realizing that fact, the ‘respect’ feeling in Sanji’s chest was standing together with something nasty. Which he recognized later as ‘jealous’. But Sanji refuse to accept since he didn’t know why he has it. </p><p>Then, the feeling reappeared again some months later when they landed at Thriller Bark. And that time, like it or not, Sanji couldn’t help from embrace it. </p><p>Zoro’s decision to put Sanji in temporary coma not only hurt his pride as one of the Mugiwara’s fighters, but also hurting his heart. Because Zoro said, <i>“Please, take care of Luffy for me,”</i> to Sanji whose head started to feel light. Zoro’s sentences made it sound like it would be the last time Sanji could find him alive. Made him panic, and angry. </p><p>Because it would mean he’d lose the reason for staying. </p><p>He’d lose the bizarre ‘happiness’ he found and kept in that crew. </p><p>And the last thing before darkness took his consciousness, was a sound of katanas being thrown away. </p><p>Sanji woke up a moment later to three katanas abandoned by their master in front of him. And the picture felt so wrong. He didn’t even care to check on his captain or the other crewmates as he stood to run, purposely ignoring a call for his name, and just following his instinct to find his certain swordsman. </p><p>Then what he found later, was something he still want to forget until his last day. </p><p>It was worse than the scar Mihawk had left him with. How he still able to stood and answering Sanji with his grunted voice was something Sanji couldn’t understand. He was about to press Zoro to tell him more about what actually had happened, but the latter was already collapsing into his arms. Blood and all. And Sanji didn’t care if he’d lose his vocal cord because he needed Chopper right at the moment. </p><p>His face felt grossly sticky from all the blood Zoro left to him as he nuzzled Zoro’s hair. And if the other notice that it wasn’t just blood that wetting his face, he silently thanked them for not mentioning. </p><p>Now watching Zoro laid on top of cold stone with bandages all over his body and face as pale as poisonous mushroom, Sanji let that ‘jealous’ feeling seeping into his heart. </p><p>Sanji just knows that Zoro care for Luffy more than just a friend thanks to that moment. That Zoro didn’t see Luffy as a mere friend, nor just a captain he had vowed to. It was something more. Though he still wasn’t sure if it was something can be named as ‘love’, but to accept all of Luffy pain without hesitation, to abandon his dream in exchange for his captain’s life, Sanji know that Zoro and Luffy’s relationship weren’t the same as them to the others. Sanji included. </p><p>Still, why he felt jealous over them was something Sanji still being left in the dark. </p><p>But only until the moment he helped Chopper nursing Zoro back to his health. </p><p>Sanji didn’t want to admit it. And though he never felt it before, he sure as much that the feeling that accompany that jealous feeling was what people would describe as love. And he also realizes that all this time, the happiness and warm feeling he had towards that swordsman even on their banter was actually ‘love’. </p><p>Strange thing, though, it didn’t freak him out. </p><p>He just felt a little, uncomfortable, by it. </p><p>Because after that he started to recognize what he didn’t see at Zoro before. All small and simple things which too silly to be spoken of. So Sanji carried it himself without ever spilling his feeling of love towards Zoro to any soul he ever met. Hiding it away perfectly behind his womanizer mask he always wore in his entire life. And the constant fight he had with that certain marimo. </p><p>At the Sabaody Archipelago, though, he almost revealed it. </p><p>Twice. </p><p>The first one was during the havoc they had with all of those Pacifistas and Kizaru. How Sanji failed from schooling his expression when Zoro got attacked. How he chose to leave Nami in Franky’s hand and run after Ussop’s team because one of the Pacifita was targeting them. Targeting Zoro. Part of his reason was because Luffy, as their captain, couldn’t save them. So him, as one of Mugiwara’s fighters, must fill the place since Zoro couldn’t either because he was the target. And the other part of his reason was because he wouldn’t forgive himself if what had happened in Thriller Bark happened again in front of him. </p><p>Zoro was still recovering. He wouldn’t survive. </p><p>It wasn’t the first time he ever saw that swordsman got a life threatening injury. But somehow in his mind, he just knows that among all of those moments, this one would be the worst. He didn’t mind getting shot by that hot yellow beam, nor lowering his pride as he grabbed that Pacifista’s leg. Anything, so that damn robot wouldn’t reach Zoro. </p><p>Because Sanji couldn’t image what would happen to his sanity if he’d lost Zoro. </p><p>But before he could do anything, Zoro was gone. </p><p>He heard vaguely Zoro was talking to someone as he tried to gain back some consciousness. A certain person with a gentle voice but had left a bad memory to Sanji. He heard a gush of winds like something had passed them in a speed of light which followed by Ussop and Brook calling Zoro’s name in a question punctuation. Looking for him. </p><p>Sanji raised his head, and he found no Zoro present in front of him. His mind went blank. </p><p>“Zoro….had gone.” Was what Ussop said and it felt like a slap to his face, awaken him. </p><p>A clench in his gut stopping him from breathing. He choked on his breath as he whimpers Zoro’s name. </p><p>And it hurt. </p><p>Both physical and mentally. </p><p>And it hurt even more when he heard Luffy cried for Zoro’s name. It was like the young man had lost part of his soul, vanished to a thin air right in front of his eyes. He heard Luffy screaming, demanding Sentomaru to explaining to him what had happened to his first nakama. To make certain that Zoro wasn’t dead and there was still a hope for him to survive. </p><p>Luffy’s angry voice had covering the terror and fear – Luffy’s true feeling – beneath it perfectly. But it didn’t escape from Sanji’s ears because that was what he also felt that time. Sadly he still couldn’t move to escape from their enemies, to landing a second attack and fight back for Zoro. Making Ussop did the thing for him. </p><p>But then Brook had also gone. </p><p>And then he saw red. </p><p>He ignored Luffy’s yell for him to stop because he knew it was just a lost cause in fighting Kuma. But Sanji couldn’t stop his rage which burning inside. He landed a kick only to be sent flying and crashed on a building. </p><p>The impact felt so hurt to his tiring body. And it made him irritated even more. Knowing that he was still no match for that man, which causes him to lose his nakama. To lose Zoro. Sanji almost give up since there was no reason for him to fight anymore. He had lost the happiness he found next after Baratie. The true ‘happiness’ he found in certain someone in the crew. </p><p>But it was Luffy’s shout for Ussop’s name which made him stand up again. </p><p>Filled with anger and hatred he runs to Kuma. </p><p>Zoro’s words to him at Thriller Bark ringing again in his ears. Reminded him that he still had a responsibility to keep if Zoro wasn’t present anymore. Reminded him that he should be running to Luffy instead and escaped with the rest of the crew. Not stupidly tried to attack Kuma. But Sanji had lost his common sense. Deep inside, he said his apologize to Zoro. Then he threw a kick to that Sichibukai. And finally, everything went black. </p><p>He knew he had failed yet again. </p><p>And Kuma had sent him to somewhere. </p><p>During his flying, Sanji cried his eyes out each time a guy with green hair coming back to his head. He had found his love only to lose it later. </p><p>The second time Sanji almost spilling his feeling to Zoro, was two years later at the same island the previous incident had happened. </p><p>He couldn’t decide if it was a blessing or a curse that the one who pick up Zoro was him. He pushed afar the thought of ‘fate’ because he certain that this was happening only by a coincident. It was that old lady’s words which made him walk to Grove 42 because he needed a supply for a good quality fresh fish for his nakama. Still, when he met with the owner of that small stall, and the old man mentioned he had caused a trouble to a man with a green hair, Sanji couldn’t prevent the small thump his heart made. </p><p>And apparently that quick thump was just a start for an erratic heartbeat in his chest when he saw a Galleon emerged from the sea being cut in half. </p><p>Zoro was there. Alive. Sitting in the broken ship with his katana being held high showing to everyone that present that the damage was caused by him. And he looked…different. More mature than the last time they see each other and the new scar on his left eye had made him look more…appealing. Sanji cursed his stupid crush to Zoro and also cursing those okamas for making him more aware of his feeling for that swordsman. </p><p>They fall into another argue as soon as they see each other. Because despite his new appearance, Zoro was still the same stubborn and annoying guy he lasted seen two years ago. </p><p>It’s been a long time since he heard Zoro’s voice. Calling him names, challenge him to spar and roaring his attack while he didn’t stop from arguing that he was better than Sanji which the latter never tired denying. It also had been a long time since his leg met Zoro’s katana and the feeling was still the same as before. Thrilling, exciting, and interesting. Back then, when he still didn’t aware of his crush, Sanji thought that the thumping behind his rib cages was caused by the adrenaline. This time, though, he knew it was something more. </p><p>And this, was what he missed most. This, was the ‘happiness’ he had lost two years ago. </p><p>Secretly, he didn’t want it to end. </p><p>Secretly, he didn’t want to meet the others. </p><p>But their journey must be carried on. </p><p>And Zoro had found Luffy. </p><p>Sanji’s heart aches when he watched the face Zoro made after he mentioned the ruckus not far from their place. After he suggests them to check it out. It was a look of certainty, as if something was pulling him because his purpose of life was right there in front of him. The swordsman fell into a complete silence during their walk to that Grove. He looked focused he didn’t even turned to a wrong way. </p><p>Something was definitely pulling him and it hurts Sanji’s heart. </p><p>Their walk turned into a jog and then a complete run when Zoro suddenly fastening his pace. His hard face softened for a second before it turned into a grin. And before Sanji could see what actually that man saw, he heard Zoro calling a name. </p><p>A name of a certain person Zoro would never trade for anything in this world. Even for his own dream. </p><p>Sanji almost stopped on his track. If it wasn’t because of his perfect training to hide his feeling, Sanji’s legs wouldn’t be moving to keep running and meet their Senchou. His face wouldn’t turn into a big grin and his voice wouldn’t be as happy as this time when he greeted Luffy. </p><p>He knew his moment was over. </p><p>Since after this, unless he got a rare alone time with Zoro during their journey, Sanji would always hide his true feeling behind his mask. </p><p>Had gone the purpose of revealing his feeling for that man. </p><p>Zoro’s lack of presence in Sanji’s daily life in Kamabaka Kingdom had helped the cook settled his heart. There were many things he had learned in that place and though it hurt to admit, it was thanks to those okamas that Sanji finally made a decision to revealing his feeling once he meet again with that marimo. </p><p>Zoro and Luffy might be close to each other. They might be having a special relationship which was different than with the others. But it didn’t mean that they were having <i>that</i> relationship, right? </p><p>Was it wrong to ask for more from the happiness he had found in this crew? </p><p>Sadly, the answer was ‘yes’. </p><p>After all of the things that happened on the Sabaody, the Straw Hat Pirates finally set sail onto Fishman Island. The journey they should have been made two years ago. And it was during that journey, Sanji found out about Zoro and Luffy’s true relationship. </p><p>Sanji didn’t intend to eavesdropping. He was just at the right time in the right place. </p><p>They were in the middle of having a feast when Sanji realize that both Zoro and Luffy was missing. It’s strange since those two would never miss a banquet ever. He asked the others and they said that they both were still on the deck to handle Caribou and would join them later so he didn’t need to worry. </p><p>But Sanji decide to summon them himself. And sadly missed the warning Robin gave him as he already out of the kitchen. </p><p>He found no one on the deck save for that slime guy who still unconscious with some swollen on his head and face and being tied to the foremast. So this was what they mean by ‘handle’. He looked around for a moment then found a glimpse of Zoro’s silhouette at the helm. Without a second thought, Sanji move to approach him. </p><p>His steps stopped, though, when he heard Luffy’s voice. </p><p>The young man was laughed his famous ‘shishishi’ before saying, “Well, we are different now. We are stronger.” </p><p>Zoro grunted his ‘yes’, then fall to a silent. </p><p>Sanji didn’t know why he stopped since he already in the middle of the stairs to the helm. What he knew was, if he made a move and revealing himself, he would break the strange atmosphere that surrounded those two. Whatever it was. So he kept his silent as he heard their next conversation. </p><p>“Still, we don’t know what lay ahead and this is New World we are talking about.” </p><p>“True.” Sanji heard a flip flop sandal stepping on Sunny’s wooden deck, indicating that Luffy was moving. The cook perked from his place and saw Luffy standing close in front of Zoro. Facing each other. “But I have Zoro by my side so I think it’s okay.” </p><p>Zoro snorted. He ruffled Luffy’s hair then the playful smirk on his face vanished. Replaced by a warm, loving smile and Sanji would be lying if he wasn’t blushing watching that. “I should have been by your side at that time too.” </p><p>“Nah, it’s okay.” Luffy moved even closer, placing his hands to Zoro’s chest. “You are here now. And it’s enough for me.” </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Zoro said. “I’m sorry I lost. I broke our promise.” </p><p>There was a pause hung above. Zoro looked defeated and Luffy just stood in there, tilting his head to watch the swordsman’s face. Then he smiled, and with, “Zoro you silly.” Luffy tiptoed to kiss him. </p><p>Sanji frozen on his spot. </p><p>Zoro’s lack of surprise only indicating that it wasn’t the first time Luffy did that to him. And how his hands moved without hesitation to encircled Luffy’s waist, to pull him closer, proving that they were a couple long before Sanji know about them. He also doubts that anyone on the ship know about this. Their figure was something, standing beside the helm, illuminating by the soft light beneath the ocean, they looked amazing. </p><p>If Sanji didn’t have a feeling to one of them, the scenery before him was something he would describe as sacred. </p><p>Unfortunately he did. </p><p>So Sanji, chest heavy from the broken feeling, took a small step backwards. And as silently as possible, he retreated. </p><p>He should have known about this. </p><p>Zoro and Luffy’s relationship was something. And they were having <i>that</i> relationship. </p><p>Sanji languidly walked back to the kitchen. How should he face them after knowing this, he didn’t know. Was everything would be back to how it used to be again, he couldn’t imagine. If before, he could hide his feeling to Zoro perfectly, Sanji doubt it would also work to the scattering heart he felt this time. How should he act once he enters back to the kitchen and meet the others? His expression must be telling them all. </p><p>But Sanji didn’t have to worry further because soon they got company. </p><p>It was thanks to the sudden attack from Caribou’s crew which made Sanji momentary forgot about Zoro and Luffy. As if what the cook witness before never happened. </p><p>He was already at the stairs to the kitchen, leaving no evidence of his presences near Zoro and Luffy, when he heard Luffy shouting to alert everyone else. Then the kitchen door opened as all of the Mugiwara’s crew emergence from inside. Ready to fight so their journey wouldn’t delayed again. </p><p>It was all thanks to that, and at all of the events that happened after, Sanji could hide his broken heart inside. And preparing his self to accepting the hard truth. </p><p>Back when he was still a child, Sanji always thought that love was something pure and full of happiness. That the tears which was shed was a happy one and never be a sad one. And he believed he would find one, someday. </p><p>Part of it became reality. As he meets Zoro and realize his feeling, Sanji had found the happiness which he hoped to last forever. Part of it turned out to be just a dream. Because when he was finally alone, standing beneath the pouring warm water on their shared bath, the tears that was rolling on his cheeks wasn’t a happy one. </p><p>He had found his love, only to lose it <i>again</i>. </p><p>But this time he didn’t lose Zoro completely. That marimo was still there. Present among the others to stand and fought beside him. Though his heart was already belonged to someone else, at least he didn’t vanish. </p><p>It seems Sanji was a type of person who would pull his crush’s ponytail to get their attention. Though it will only make them mad later, at least they’ll acknowledge him. And it was the ‘acknowledge’ that Sanji still seeking from Zoro. </p><p>That swordsman seems to still enjoying their banter. Nothing changed. And Sanji took the opportunity to satisfy his own thirst for Zoro. For the ‘happiness’ he had found and kept in his damaging heart. The happiness that he didn’t want to lose. </p><p>He might be couldn’t have Zoro all for himself, unlike Luffy. </p><p>But at least, like Luffy, he still have Zoro stood by his side and it’s enough for him. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ZoSan is my first ship in One Piece, but then the Whole Cake Island arc happened which leaving me broken hearted then somehow I started to notice some things about ZoLu. And their meeting in Wano made me shifted without hesitation. Though, until this day, I still can’t decide whether to pair Zoro with Luffy or Sanji.<br/><br/>ZoSan’s shipper, please don’t kill me.<br/><br/>Like my other fics, I just borrowed the lyrics from that song to make it as the title. But to be honest, it was also the song which helps me build the angst feeling when I write this story. Not the <i>lyrics</i>, since the story is different, but the <i>music</i>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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